J . M A I L

Haters Gotta Hate

“stop hating people that aren’t you” / “yah stop hating” / ” always hating, maybe you’re just jealous?”

A few of the comments written to me recently on FB. Little did I know I was hating so much. Much like a creeper at the local bar, the hate has crept up behind me unperceptive and before I knew it I could feel that hate pressing up against my hip.

There was a time when I tried really hard not to hate, not to complain, not to be negative but rather to be positive. Perhaps, now is a good time to revisit my motives for living hate free and reinvest myself into a positively forward vernacular.

~ LOVE ~

Wisconsin is for lovers

I woke up at 7 pm today feeling pretty darn good. I walked downtown with the mindset to decide a few things.

Lastly, I decided to go for a walk in woods around Guelph this weekend to see the changing colour of the leaves (this means you too marlow).

Firstly, I decided I would like more structure. A structured schedule for me right now would mean allotting time for work on my thesis, TwitCritics, the gym, and I am starting to think meditation as well.

I often think, why don’t I meditate. I know that mediation can change the brain for the better, and can produce results in even a short period of time. Why then do I put off practicing something that will could be so profoundly important to my happiness? Am I afraid of the work involved? Am I just lazy? I plan to look up how to make a good mediation space and set up a little area of my bed room (away from the kitties) in order to practice. Hopefully having a space set aside for practice will mean that I actually do practice.

I was thinking that moving mediation practice to the morning would mean it would be more likely to happen. However, doing it right after waking up could mean falling asleep or just sleeping in and skipping the practice. At the end of the day I am extra lazy and tend to just lay on the couch and watch tv so I still think the morning is better.

This could be followed by breakfast then my walk to school where I could work from the library, grad lounge, or keg (depending on how busy the lib is and how much I crave nachos that day).

Being on campus all day working would mean I would have the motivation to take a break and go to the gym in the late afternoon. After the gym I could come home and relax a bit then come to a cafe later that night to do a bit more work on my thesis or TwitCritics or just socialize in the evening before bed.

I think that’s about all I have to say for this post. TTYL

P.S. I downloaded a bunch of audio books and am gonna start listening to them while I work. Any suggestions for books are very welcome.

A reflection on love

I thought it might make sense to write a bit about love on this, the most appropriate day, or perhaps least appropriate, day of the year.

First off I wanna say I am wearing my Valentines Day shirt.

It depicts the reality I wish I lived in, however, to be fair I believe the right half of the picture does not actually exist in my reality.

Secondly, I want to say that the University is a ghost town right now. I hope everyone enjoys their deserved week away from school.

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Love is one of those things like life and happiness that I believe most people would have to struggle to come up with a new definition for every single time they were asked to do so.

While I have said in the past that most people likely spend more times choosing which shoes they want to buy each year that time spent pondering the meaning of life, I believe the same can be said about love.

Now, I believe almost everyone knows love. They have experienced it. They have given it. However, the spend very little time thinking about what love is?

Is love for friends the same as love for a girlfriend/boyfriend, spouse, or family? Is love, like happiness, strictly an internal emotion, an emotion that can only really come from within and be projected outwards? What is the difference between love and lust? Maybe just as important, why don’t we ask these hard questions more often? Just because a question is hard to answer and perhaps seemingly vague in its specifics does that mean we shouldn’t attempt to answer it anyways?

The trap in attempting to define love is using other vagaries in the attempt to do so. “Love is life” or “Love is an internal flourishing and combination of all other emotions” are both statements that do little to address the original question. So let me try, in my own way to answer my answer. I will start with my own experiences.

For me love for a romantic partner is not the same as love for friends and family. I first knew I was in love when the day the term “like” lost all meaning to describe how I felt about someone. I had been going from days where I liked the person, to the next day where I really liked the person, to eventually a day where no matter how many “reallys” I added before the word “like” the emotion was simply not correct. Love for me is about caring for someone beyond what one might imagine is possible.

Another example, if I were to get into trouble in my life I am not the type of person to immediately call family or friends. I am the type of person that would first deal with the situation myself. That changes though when in love. In love I want someone else on earth to know what exactly is happening with me, not for me, but because I feel its important for them. Love for me is seeing the future and imagining another person is there by my side.

Ideally, in love, each person would put the other person first to create an equilibrium of care and compassion. Love would signify commitment and an ideal of working through difficulties. Love would mean acknowledging the other persons faults and strengths and taking the person for who the really are rather than what one wants them to be. Love would mean an increased understanding, patience, and kindness that is often not given in our world. It would mean caring about the other persons passions. It would mean complimenting another persons life as much as they compliment yours (and I am not talking compliment in the sense of saying nice things).

Love is being able to feel honest and vulnerable. Love is not unsure. Love is distracting and peaceful and intense and intimidating and seems so right. It is one of the most intense feelings I have ever had. It is one of the best feelings I have ever had. It is something worth chasing. It is worth holding on to. It is a feeling that can’t be forced and a feeling that can’t be denied. We can’t help who we love, we can only hope to be fortunate enough to have that person love us back. Love is awesome.